After a long, exciting and unpredictable amount of time; I am back! I want to first off apologize for being away for so long but so much has happened! I have traveled close and I have traveled far. I’ve been on some of the craziest adventures and met the greatest people. And I can’t wait for you all to read all my new stories of my time away.
But today I’m writing something a little different. This past year of being twenty has been insane thats left me with no regrets and so many lessons. I’ve been heartbroken and I’ve been so happy my heart felt like it could soar.
I have recently turned 21 in the past four months of travel and there has been so much more learning and growth for myself (and now with the occasional drink.)
Happy Birthday Me! Thank you Universe for another blessed turn around the sun! Today I want to write something new, poetic and different as a birthday gift to myself and hopefully you all. Here is a compilation of 21 things including some essays, things I’ve learned and even a little poetry of these past four months in snippets. I hope you all enjoy!
- Each Journey Is Different
As Pocahontas once said “You can’t step in the same river twice” I find that the same is true for traveling. You could go to the same place at the same time with the same people every year and what you would find is a whole new experience each time. I’ve learned to embrace it. I love that even if the scene seems familiar, it’s different so revel in the difference and the fact that life is so exciting.
Like I mentioned above, be in the moment, even when thinking of the past of future seems tempting because you will never have this exact moment again. There will never be the same people around you, the weather will never be the same, the food will never taste the exact same than this moment you are having so live in it and take each moment as it comes.
3. Grief is Funny
I thought I was grieving him until I realized I was grieving you. I went through all the motions of grief because it was someone I loved, someone I thought would always be there. I went through the denial phase like I couldn’t believe it, like it was all a mistake and you would be back. I went through the anger phase for a long time, because it felt better to be mad than be sad about it. I quickly went through the bargaining phase thinking that by messaging you maybe things could go back to how they were. The next phase crept up on me with the feeling of loneliness because you were no longer there to talk to. Finally I felt it, acceptance and true understanding of you and me. I needed to let you go in order to love myself. And that was okay.
I fell for you maybes more than I fell for you. With the short time we had, I only for a glimpse of what we could have been. I fell for the possibilities and the what ifs. I gathered all these fantasies in my heart and let them roam free. But the problem with falling for maybes is that its wasn’t you I wanted or needed. It was the fantasy of you, the idea of you that I wanted because the truth is you didn’t want any maybes from me.
5. My Birthday
Waters that mirrored the sky
and relaxation met
And hangovers were drowned out
by island sounds.
– the perfect day
6. Never Regret Being You
As I awoke on the day of my 21st birthday, I woke up dehydrated and hungover with bits and pieces of the night prior dancing in my head. The first thing that came to me was regret. Had I embarrassed myself? I worried about what the people around me would say.
But as the rest of my birthday trip progressed, I soon realized that the people I had been worried about who may have laughed at me weren’t there for me and the ones who had laughed with me didn’t care if I had embarrassed myself. Never regret who you are because the people who don’t like those parts of you aren’t there to serve your best self. So be crazy, wild and and talk too much because life is too short to worry about the rest.
An actor met
a pretty girl
And reminded her
that amazing moments
happen all the time
Its nice to know that what’s meant to be will always find a way to me. And what’s not will never work out.
Dance like it’s your last night on earth. Dance till you can’t breath, or think about any of the problems that surround you. Dance till your feet ache and your body hurts. Dance till you’re laughing so hard you stumble around. Dance as you sweat through all your clothes. Dance like the free spirited badass you are.
This is me taking a moment to thank all the new friends I made and the ones I’ve known for a long time. Thank you for being there for my rants. Listening to my never ending stories. For showing around your part of town in all parts of the world. Thank you for dabbing with me at the club. And getting as drunk as I did. Thank you for hugging me when I cried. For staying up to watch a sunrise. For gossiping about randoms. For keeping in touch. And mostly thank you for being you.
11. Be Crazy
Have a crazy wild night because you’re young and alive. Be wild because there is no other time to do it. Be crazy because you’re problems will still be there in the morning. Be crazy and try something new. Be irrational and stay up late. Because one day you’ll look back and wish you did it anyways.
12. An Ode to Wine
Thank you for being there when as I chatted with people from around the world. You gave me the inspiration to conquer my fears. To dance when no one else would. Although I don’t love the headaches you give me, I do love the way you make me feel classy and sophisticated. Thank you Wine.
13. Letting Go
This is me letting go of a boy full of maybes. This is me letting go of a friend who I thought would be here always. This is me letting go of moments that made me sad. This is me letting go of futures we didn’t have. This is me letting go of the hurt. This is me letting go of a Tuesday night. This is me letting you go. All of you.
14. Yes Man
Become a yes man because life needs to be exciting and new. Do things that scare you and makes your heart race. Talk to that person you’ve been watching. Say yes to jumping off the deep end. Try that weird colored food that smells amazing. Dance to that song you love. Say yes to that risky outfit that makes you feel good. Just say yes.
15. Always Dress to The Nines
I love dressing up for any occasion. I love getting glam’d up and putting my best outfit on. Now while for me, this means putting on a great cocktail dress with my favorite heels. Dressing to the nines for you might be wearing yoga pants or a medieval dress. Always dress in whatever makes you feel good. Put on whatever makes you happy and makes you feel confident like you could conquer the whole world.
16. Get to Know Souls
Get to know people for who they are inside. Despite age or where they’re from. Become friends with people completely different from you. With people with different backgrounds and from places all over the world. Because one day, you’ll find yourself laughing so hard that tears stream down your face with an eighty year old man from Surrey.
you to know
I can’t forget
18. Keep in Touch
Always keep in touch with the people you meet. No matter how long time has passed, send them a message asking them how they’ve been and what they’ve been up to. And one day, you might just end up getting a tour of Scotland with a family you met on a cruise seven years ago.
19. One of My Favorite Nights
There’s laughter and alcohol in the air. There are some of the best people I know around me. We’re all there sharing music and stories as we trip over things and make noise. As some of us cuddle for warmth in this air conditioned room. We’re all here in the moment, alive, happy, and have no plans for anything other than watching a sunrise in the middle of the ocean.
20. Thank You
Here is a thank you, to the boundless sea for letting me gaze at your incredible beauty and call you home for so many weeks. To the islands full of color and life and getting me so tan. Thank you England for being so elegant and allowing me to stay this time. To Scotland for hauntingly gorgeous castles and accents. To Ireland for letting me partake in your timeless green beauty. Thank you to the little time I had in exotic places so I could get a taste of the culture and come back sooner. And finally thank you to the people I met. To the new friends I made. To the ones who came out and danced till dawn. To the souls who allowed me to be myself and loved the young inexperienced twenty-one year old. Thank you.
21. Go After Your Dreams
No matter what happens. Even if friends come and go. Even if someone breaks your heart. Go after what you want. Always. As I write this final entry in an apartment in New York City, I think about how I’m living this dream I wished for nearly a year ago, heartbroken in the back of a plane heading to Orlando. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know when. But I knew, I’d get here one day and fulfill some sort of destiny and in turn save myself from the devastation I was in. So despite all those crazy events in the past year and the past few months; here I am, in love with this sleepless city and my new life.